Are We Home Yet!?

Right after I mentioned my grand idea (see first post Soul Searching ) to my sister she sent me the link for an attraction she saw on the local news. It is called Ice Castles and this one was located in Stratton, Vermont. An approximate three hour drive. PERFECT! I knew I had to add this to my list. I also knew that I wanted my sister and her kids to join me. After a couple of postponements we settle on Saturday February 28th. We end up bringing my nephew, RJ's best friend which is good because it'll keep him from getting bored. So we have a 22 month old, a 12 year old and an 11 year old crammed into my backseat. 

About two hours before we plan to leave I have to make a stop. I pull up to the gate in my driveway so I can open it up to leave, I hop out of the car and that's when I second guess this trip... As I'm rolling around on the ground, moaning after slipping on ice. I fell down pretty hard on one knee and both of my hands. In my own driveway. Before we leave. On the ice. To go to ICE Castles! I eventually get up, brush myself off and call my sister laughing hysterically. I come back from my errand, I go upstairs and shower to get ready to leave. Here it is 10 am, our original departure time and I have completely lost one of my shoes. Yup, just one. Cannot find it anywhere. I finally find my shoe, in my closet mind you. We are ready to start this adventure. The fighting begins as we load the car. RJ has a tendency to not listen or follow directions at times which can be annoying. I yell at him, then I feel bad and we hug it out. The baby starts crying. Someone is surely testing my patience already and we haven't even left the house yet. We are finally on our way... or so we thought. 

I realize I have no idea where my wallet ended up as I'm entering the highway the next city over. I brought it down to the car in my camera bag which was in the trunk but I planned on keeping the wallet up in front with me for when we stopped for lunch. Did I leave it in the bag? Put it on top of the car and drive off? Drop it on the floor of the car? I get off the very next exit so that I can check my trunk. As I get off the exit my sister reminds me that we forgot to stop at the bank. We turn around and head towards home, where the bank is. My nephews friend mentions he is feeling car sick, not long after my sister mentions she is. We haven't even gone anywhere yet. We head to the local drugstore after finding my wallet in the trunk and stopping at the bank to get them something for motion sickness. We are finally on our way, around 10:50 am. 

Now here's a little back information. My sister and I are annoyingly silly together, except when we are swearing at and hating each other. My father has been known to say on numerous occasions "I can't stand when the two of you are together". Needless to say we have had some great road trips in the past, so we both are pumped for this day trip north into the mountains. We pack snacks and pick out a fun Pandora station. Everything is awesome!

Cue the kids!

"Are we there yet!?" "When are we stopping for lunch!?" "Move over!" "Put your elbows down!" "Olivia stop crying!" "Where are the goldfish!?" "When are we stopping for lunch!?" "How long until we get to Vermont!?" "Is there a Disney store near there!?" "Can we stop at the mall!" "I ate all of the goldfish, can I have Doritos!?" "I'm going to fart" "I'm cold" "I'm hot" "I hate this sweatshirt!" "How long until we are there!?" "I have to go to the bathroom!" "I don't have enough room!" "Why didn't we take the truck!?" "Ma, I told you we shouldn't have gone, this is boring!" Every sign that listed which fast food places were off of each exit we would get the "When are we stopping for lunch!?" "I want McDonalds" "I want Friendly's" "I want Subway" "ohh On The Border!" Every single time. Nine minutes passed between the "how long until we get there!?" question was asked again... By the same kid, in a serious tone. This is all we hear coming from the back seat of the car and we haven't even left Connecticut yet! Oh and the GPS. "Take the left four lanes and continue on 91N". Really!? There only were four lanes! 

After a lot of yelling on the adults part, we convince the boys to calm down, stop annoying each other and that they have to wait until 12:30 for us to stop for lunch. Welcome to Massachusetts!!  Then, on the dot: "It's 12:30, are we stopping for lunch? You said 12:30" 

Wasn't this supposed to be fun? Get me out of this car!!!

We finally feed the monsters and get back on the road. The 11 year old and baby fall asleep. All is calm. Welcome to Vermont!! 

The views are breathtaking! Since taking up photography I've been able to appreciate nature more. Being the driver stinks in that aspect. Multiple times I'd say "ohh that would make a great picture! Hurry up. Take it!" To which my sister would respond "I don't see it" and then the moment is gone, it just passes you by.  People can look at the same thing but actually see two completely different things, so the chances of the pictures matching my vision weren't good to start with (no offense Sissy!). Of course pictures never do Mother Nature justice anyway. 

(Cell phone picture I took through the windshield) 

Knowing that cell services cuts out and I'd lose gps we printed directions to get there as back up. My sister and I discover we have two different addresses in two different towns for our destination. Sure enough we lose service. This trip is a disaster so far. After a few wrong turns and u-turns we find it. We are here!! Sun Bowl Lodge, Stratton Mountain Resort, VT. I've never been skiing, the lodge wasn't what I expected. But it is packed!! 

(Stratton Mountain, VT)

We approach the Ice Castles, it is all man made using ice and water. At night they put on lights in the ice sculptures which is really cool. Although the slopes are busy, Ice Castles is not. There's a small slide made out of ice, a tiny igloo to crawl through and tunnels. 

(Ice Castles - Stratton Mountain, Vt) 

We spend about an hour or so exploring the place then we head in to the lodge to warm up with some hot chocolate. ... "I'm hungry". Here we go again! A friend of mine went up about a month before us and mentioned a pizza place which we planned to go for dinner. About a 15 minute drive away. Now we are New Haven, CT based - home of the best pizza anywhere, no debate. We don't eat pizza out of state and actually enjoy it. Tony's Pizzeria in Winhall, VT proves us wrong as it is very good pizza! We order a cheese, a Grandmas (fresh marinara, basil, garlic and oil with cheese) and a few slices of a white fresh spinach and broccoli for RJs friend. 

(Cell phone picture of a slice of Grandmas, so good!)

We finish our tasty pizza and head back to the lodge since it's after 6pm and the lights should be lit. Lights are on, music is playing and it is packed. We explore again but it's so cold, 9 degrees according to my dashboard, so we don't stay very long. 

(Ice Castles - Stratton Mountain, Vt) 

(Ice Castles - Stratton Mountain, Vt) 

(Ice Castles - Stratton Mountain, Vt) 

(Ice Castles - Stratton Mountain, Vt) 

(Ice Castles - Stratton Mountain, Vt) 

(Cell phone picture - Sun Bowl Lodge, Stratton Mountain, VT) 

My sister decides it would be best to separate the big kids with the car seat to give them more room, it helps. Why didn't she do this to begin with!? The kids fall asleep and my sister and I eat our snacks, listen to fun music and chat on the ride home. 

Despite the craziness and yelling, at the end of the day I had a great time and am glad we went because I love these people! 

It was in the lodge before heading to dinner when my nephew said "I'm hungry" and I told him he needed to learn patience that I realized the lesson this trip was giving me. I don't know how many times I had yelled at my nephew that he needed to learn patience this day. I yelled at kids because they were cranky. If I was hungry and squished in a backseat I'd be cranky too. Maybe I'm the one who actually needs to learn patience here. 

Take These Broken Wings...

It was 2014, around the time I found myself feeling confused, hurt and lost when my new friend at work mentioned how her kids were taking her skydiving for her sixtieth birthday. She asked if I wanted to go with them. Without even really thinking I said I would.  WHAT!? Had I gone temporarily INSANE!? I'm the girl who packed up her pets along with a bag of clothes and food to camp out at my parents during a hurricane, as a woman in her late twenties/early thirties.  But how could I tell my friend turning 60 that I was too old to be jumping out of a plane? And how was I supposed to tell myself don't do this, when I was in some serious need of excitement in my life? This was something I needed to do for myself. I needed to prove to myself that I could do this and you know what, I did! 

Life changes, people change. It's inevitable. But it's still hard to deal with at times. I was suddenly left with more free time than I'd had in a long time yet I didn't know what to do with myself. I was alone with my thoughts which at times wasn't necessarily a good thing. I was having some of my bad days mentally. (I can not thank my sister and friends enough for being there for me despite me not taking the advice they had lovingly given leading up to this point.) I found that certain beliefs I had were not real. I was confused. I felt like I was back at square one. I was scared. I was left asking myself "What am I doing with my life!?" "Who knew this so called biological clock really starts ticking!? I don't even know if I want to bring kids into this mad world, why am I crying over this!?" "Why can't I leave my house?" "Did I really want to sit on my couch drinking beer every night anyway?" "What happened to my passion?" (Side note: I wasn't home drinking beer alone... If that were the case I sure hope that my sister would have sent me for help) 

As I worked through these questions and many more I started getting stronger. I didn't need to know what I was doing with my life. If I am blessed with a husband and/or child I will be grateful but I do not need them to define who I am. No, I didn't want my life to be a constant view of the bottom of my pint glass. I wanted to view all this world has to offer. I wanted to live. I wanted to have experiences because that is what truly makes a persons life wealthy. 

With the date approaching I found myself surprisingly calm considering. Of course I was nervous but the thought of chickening out was never really there. Sure Joan and I would say it joking around however I think we both knew how much we needed to do it for ourselves. I had to prove to myself that I could enjoy all that life has to offer. 

September 14, 2014. The morning was beautiful. I rode up to Ellington, CT with Joan and her family who I was meeting pretty much for the first time. I was immediately comfortable in her children's presence just as I had been when meeting Joan. I was still completely at ease with the idea that in a few short hours I'd be skydiving. I was excited. As we pulled up the driveway to Connecticut Parachutists there was a cardinal in the bushes, that was my sign. My mom was there, I was going to be ok. While not guaranteed that parties with reservations will be on the same plane we found that the four of us jumping from our group of six (and a cute lil pup!) were going up together. Score! There was still a while to go before our turn though. We watched planes go up and parachutists coming down. The atmosphere was peaceful. There was a decent number of people there, these people were happy and relaxed. The sky was blue. It was one of the most serene settings I had found myself in, in a very long time. 

It was time for us to suit up! Next we got to meet our tandem instructors. Mine was Justin, very nice guy, I'd say in his twenties. He got my harness ready and talked me through the steps. Joan and I were first timers so we both had a videographer. They do a little interview with you, film and photograph the experience from start to finish. Joan had her interview. It's getting so close to go time! They start getting ready to board us. I snag Justin and mention how I was supposed to have my jump documented. He walks away comes back and says "Ko Ko landed off course so you'll either have to jump without him or wait for him to get back and go up on the next plane". This was as my group was boarding! You bet your butts I wanted my pictures and video for my first jump! Not to mention I paid extra for that! So I waited. I waved to my friends and watched their plane take off. It takes a lot of courage to go forward, I was ready up until this point. A firm believer that everything happens for a reason, this delay got my mind going just a little. Was this a sign? Did this mean something was going to happen? Why did we have to get separated? Why is my video guy in someone's back yard!? Will I end up in someone's back yard!? Now that I made it alive I know the reasoning. I got to watch as my friend floated to the ground and she got to watch as I did. It was amazing! 

(This was on my cell phone but I believe credit goes to Bill Harper, Harper Photography)

Enter Ko Ko, I ask him how he ended up in someone's yard. His response was something along the lines of I couldn't get my chute open at the right altitude... Ummm excuse me.... What have I gotten myself into. Hey at least he's my video guy and not the guy I was about to strap my body to, the one who was in charge of pulling the chord, ya know the guy I was trusting with my life as we plummet to the earth. (End dramatics) My interview was short and sweet. My favorite question was "Why are you doing this today?" My response, "I'm just loving life".

Time to board! The plane is like a prop plane. There are two benches running parallel inside. It's small in there. You walk in, turn around, sit and scoot back as close as you can to the person behind you. My tandem instructor was behind me and my videographer was in front of me. There was another tandem on the bench next to me and possibly one or two more in front of us along with a group of experienced jumpers practicing precision landing, including Justin's dad. How cool! I'm still relatively calm, unnaturally calm actually. Anyone that knows me can vouch that I get some wicked anxiety. I was certain I would have panicked by now. We get to a lower altitude than our jumping point and the precision guys start heading out. We climb higher. I'm still calm. I have no idea what to expect yet I am ok. I'm ready to do this. I remember looking out of my window down at the trees thinking they looked like broccoli. Of course I hadn't eaten at all since I was afraid I'd puke from nervousness so maybe I was just hungry...

Time to jump! We slide down the bench, once you reach the end of the bench you sit on the ground and do a crab style walk over to the door. At this point Justin and I are already connected. Ko Ko heads out first but he hangs on to the side of the plane. My turn! We make our way to the edge of the plane. My legs are over the edge, they are curled behind me, my back is arched, my head is up and back. I'm in position. Justin rocks us out of the plane. I'm falling. It's cold. It's fast. It's like nothing I have ever experienced before in my life. I remember thinking, is this normal? When does he open the chute? Am I still holding myself in the proper position? It feels like five long, but awesome minutes have gone by that we are free falling, I'm fairly certain it's actually under a minute. Pop, the chute opens and we slow down. It's INCREDIBLE. I started to laugh because it was that unbelievable. I can not even describe to you guys the feeling. The air is so fresh. The view is stunning. I am floating in the sky. It was intoxicating. Justin tells me how his dad precision landed in one of the pools, I was impressed. I remember that I found it surprising that we could hold a conversation up there. I wasn't ready for it to be over. My lack of details with the actual jump hopefully shows to you just how hard it is to put into words this incredible event. Landing was the scariest part. You have to lift your legs straight up and slide in on your butt. There is so much resistance making it hard to do, but if you don't you can break your legs. We land ok. I'm still shaking, not from fear but from the adrenaline. The natural high. This was by far the most amazing thing I have ever done! 

(Photo credit: Ko Ko, Connecticute Parachutists Inc) 

(Photo credit: Ko Ko, Connecticute Parachutists Inc) 

(Photo credit: Ko Ko, Connecticute Parachutists Inc) 

(Photo credit: Ko Ko, Connecticute Parachutists Inc) 

(Photo credit: Ko Ko, Connecticute Parachutists Inc) 

(Photo credit: Ko Ko, Connecticute Parachutists Inc) 

(Photo credit: Ko Ko, Connecticute Parachutists Inc) 

So yes I jumped out of an entirely good airplane because I had the desire to live. Ironic, right? 

(Sorry I don't recall who took this for me!) 

This was an incredible gift given to me at the perfect time, I learned to fly again. 

To the Harper family, I thank you. For letting me join you that day and for being genuinely good people. Your positive outlooks in life are extremely inspiring on a daily basis. 

Much peace and love,

     - Marie 

Soul Searching

*** Disclaimer *** I've never really blogged before. If you intend to follow please know that my intentions are to keep myself motivated while hopefully inspiring others. I'm also blogging to maintain memories and share my experiences with anyone interested. I'm not here to be a writer, I will make grammatical and spelling errors. I probably won't post on a scheduled basis and I've been known to have a hard time articulating my thoughts into words so please bear with me. Here goes ...

 I have so many wonderful ideas brewing in my mind. I'm sure they won't manifest exactly how I envision them but that's quite alright! Life doesn't go according to plan as I've learned. So my plan is to have no set plan during this journey. I'll have starting points, ideas and minimal direction however I'm trusting myself: my intuition, my soul, my heart, my body, my mind. I'm trusting ME. Speaking of me, I should probably give you a little background. 

 My name is Marie, I'm 34 years old. Born and raised in Connecticut. My only kids are a sweet yet spunky Beagle named Kona and a cute, not so little Red-eared Slider named Kai. I'm single. I work full time at a large well known corporation, I own a small photography business and I occasionally work the door at a local ballroom dance. Im an aunt, a sister, a daughter, a niece, a cousin and a friend. Im a lover with a huge heart. I'm a giver. I maintain a full schedule. I'm busy. Yet somehow I have realized that I am, and have been, lost and alone. Living a redundant life. I wake up, go to work, come home, eat, clean, work some more, go to bed, rinse and repeat. I know there is more to life. I merely exist but I want to LIVE! Now don't get me wrong, I have a social life, I've traveled and I've had some incredible experiences. I have accomplished things that I never thought that I could or would do. However there's that dreaded yet simple question I cringe upon hearing when talking to people, "What's new?" or "What have you been up to?" .... I can't come up with a single thing and we all know you don't want to hear my rinse and repeat. It's lame. 

 2014 was very eye opening for me after reflecting on the accomplishments I mentioned previously. It made me realize the potential I have in me to truly live. This is part of why I've come to the decision I have. Another huge factor is the desire to meet new people. More specifically a man; ya know being a 30 something year old childless single lady and all. As much as I know how to be alone let's face it, no one wants to end up alone. And to you "Oh you have plenty of time!" people I can not stress enough how annoyingly frustrating it is to hear you say this. You can only say that because it's not you. Ideally I'd like to meet someone, court them, enjoy an engagement and a marriage before popping out kids and that my friends takes time, more time than you think about when you give your line. In this department I am not desperate nor will I settle, some may say I'm picky but I don't think that's the case at all because I have truly loved someone who was far from perfect. I've never been one to really date, I just always ended up with guys I knew. I've had relationships with the right guy at the wrong time, the wrong guy no matter what the time, the it meant nothing more than the moment(s) guys, the guy who's heart I broke and of course the one guy who broke my heart. All of those experiences led me to try the online dating thing but I learned quickly that option was not for me. (I would've loved to see a report user to their mother feature implemented on those sites) It got old fast, I found I was on there for the wrong reasons and I learned that Im just simply not ready to meet someone at the moment. But that road led me to the realization that people don't know how to interact properly anymore and led to my question of "How do you even meet new quality people these days!?"

 The reason I'm alone and not diving into the dating pool is not complicated. I'm a firm believer that you need to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to love you. Sadly, I didn't love myself. I still don't 100% but I do love myself more than I ever have. I know that I can and know that I will love myself completely one day. As of right now I vow to date myself. I vow to put myself first for once. The first step in dating is getting to know each other. The best way to do that is to spend quality one on one time together. 

 All of these things mentioned plus many more crazy thoughts (my mind never stops) have led me here.  I've been inspired by people I know well, people who I barely know and people who I thought I knew. People who have loved me and people who have hurt me. I've read different articles and have seen many motivational pictures/quotes. It has all brought me to my "unusually grand idea" (hahaha NP!).  I ran my idea through a few of, but not all of, my best people and the few I have are supporting this decision. I know, you're all dying to know what this plan, this idea, this decision is. Here's where I tell! 

 At least two weekend days out of the month starting in March or April, depending on our weather, I am hopping in my car and going. Preferably out of state but I know some will be here in Connecticut. Mostly day trips. Hoping to get an occasional overnighter or weekend trip in there somehow too. Sometimes completely alone but most times with my pup, always with my camera. I want to explore little towns, hike trails I've never taken, listen to waves crash on a beach I've never sat on. I will visit little shops, local coffee houses, thrift stores, diners and restaurants. Some days I will have dinner all by myself in a restaurant even allowing the occasional glass of wine. Nothing commercialized. I will leave earlier in the morning hours with no set arrival or departure time. I will have a destination, one I've never been to before. If I am compelled to stop off along the way I will. If I decide to stay there rather than continue to my original destination I will. Should I decide my original destination just isn't doing it for me then I'll go. I'll end wherever the day takes me. I will be doing this unplugged *gasp* during the adventure, aside from keeping my sister updated on my whereabouts for safety measures. I'm sure I will grab the occasional Starbucks or make a few social media posts, I'm not perfect. But one of the goals I hope to gain from these experiences is to get back to basics. Which leads me to my rule that I must have at least one full, real conversation with a complete stranger each trip. My goal is to gain at least three new friends, ya know the exchange numbers and go back to visit type by the end of the journey. I will be pushing my boundaries and stepping out of my comfort zone. I will be touching base with my creativity, allowing me to photograph the things I want to. I will still be doing my photography and yes I love working with the kids but I got so hung up on it last year I barely took any photographs for myself. I admittedly lost some of my drive and just want to be passionate with it again. I am overall looking for that lost excitement in all aspects of my life again. A few years back I traveled with just Kona up to the Catskills, I'm a fairly independent woman but I learned that there is just something about traveling alone that awakens and empowers the soul of a woman. I know this is what I need to do. It's time for me to live, to learn, to grow. 

 I will journal my travels and intend to blog about each one. See all that rambling, everything actually comes together and had a reason to be said in the end. 

 Welcome to my on a very tight budget, I still need to work and have responsibilities version of Eat, Pray, Love! Let my soul searching begin! 

 Peace and love, 

                      Marie 

 Ps I hope y'all know I'm a pretty private person so some of this, although easy to type made it very hard to actually press publish.