It was 2014, around the time I found myself feeling confused, hurt and lost when my new friend at work mentioned how her kids were taking her skydiving for her sixtieth birthday. She asked if I wanted to go with them. Without even really thinking I said I would. WHAT!? Had I gone temporarily INSANE!? I'm the girl who packed up her pets along with a bag of clothes and food to camp out at my parents during a hurricane, as a woman in her late twenties/early thirties. But how could I tell my friend turning 60 that I was too old to be jumping out of a plane? And how was I supposed to tell myself don't do this, when I was in some serious need of excitement in my life? This was something I needed to do for myself. I needed to prove to myself that I could do this and you know what, I did!
Life changes, people change. It's inevitable. But it's still hard to deal with at times. I was suddenly left with more free time than I'd had in a long time yet I didn't know what to do with myself. I was alone with my thoughts which at times wasn't necessarily a good thing. I was having some of my bad days mentally. (I can not thank my sister and friends enough for being there for me despite me not taking the advice they had lovingly given leading up to this point.) I found that certain beliefs I had were not real. I was confused. I felt like I was back at square one. I was scared. I was left asking myself "What am I doing with my life!?" "Who knew this so called biological clock really starts ticking!? I don't even know if I want to bring kids into this mad world, why am I crying over this!?" "Why can't I leave my house?" "Did I really want to sit on my couch drinking beer every night anyway?" "What happened to my passion?" (Side note: I wasn't home drinking beer alone... If that were the case I sure hope that my sister would have sent me for help)
As I worked through these questions and many more I started getting stronger. I didn't need to know what I was doing with my life. If I am blessed with a husband and/or child I will be grateful but I do not need them to define who I am. No, I didn't want my life to be a constant view of the bottom of my pint glass. I wanted to view all this world has to offer. I wanted to live. I wanted to have experiences because that is what truly makes a persons life wealthy.
With the date approaching I found myself surprisingly calm considering. Of course I was nervous but the thought of chickening out was never really there. Sure Joan and I would say it joking around however I think we both knew how much we needed to do it for ourselves. I had to prove to myself that I could enjoy all that life has to offer.
September 14, 2014. The morning was beautiful. I rode up to Ellington, CT with Joan and her family who I was meeting pretty much for the first time. I was immediately comfortable in her children's presence just as I had been when meeting Joan. I was still completely at ease with the idea that in a few short hours I'd be skydiving. I was excited. As we pulled up the driveway to Connecticut Parachutists there was a cardinal in the bushes, that was my sign. My mom was there, I was going to be ok. While not guaranteed that parties with reservations will be on the same plane we found that the four of us jumping from our group of six (and a cute lil pup!) were going up together. Score! There was still a while to go before our turn though. We watched planes go up and parachutists coming down. The atmosphere was peaceful. There was a decent number of people there, these people were happy and relaxed. The sky was blue. It was one of the most serene settings I had found myself in, in a very long time.
It was time for us to suit up! Next we got to meet our tandem instructors. Mine was Justin, very nice guy, I'd say in his twenties. He got my harness ready and talked me through the steps. Joan and I were first timers so we both had a videographer. They do a little interview with you, film and photograph the experience from start to finish. Joan had her interview. It's getting so close to go time! They start getting ready to board us. I snag Justin and mention how I was supposed to have my jump documented. He walks away comes back and says "Ko Ko landed off course so you'll either have to jump without him or wait for him to get back and go up on the next plane". This was as my group was boarding! You bet your butts I wanted my pictures and video for my first jump! Not to mention I paid extra for that! So I waited. I waved to my friends and watched their plane take off. It takes a lot of courage to go forward, I was ready up until this point. A firm believer that everything happens for a reason, this delay got my mind going just a little. Was this a sign? Did this mean something was going to happen? Why did we have to get separated? Why is my video guy in someone's back yard!? Will I end up in someone's back yard!? Now that I made it alive I know the reasoning. I got to watch as my friend floated to the ground and she got to watch as I did. It was amazing!
(This was on my cell phone but I believe credit goes to Bill Harper, Harper Photography)
Enter Ko Ko, I ask him how he ended up in someone's yard. His response was something along the lines of I couldn't get my chute open at the right altitude... Ummm excuse me.... What have I gotten myself into. Hey at least he's my video guy and not the guy I was about to strap my body to, the one who was in charge of pulling the chord, ya know the guy I was trusting with my life as we plummet to the earth. (End dramatics) My interview was short and sweet. My favorite question was "Why are you doing this today?" My response, "I'm just loving life".
Time to board! The plane is like a prop plane. There are two benches running parallel inside. It's small in there. You walk in, turn around, sit and scoot back as close as you can to the person behind you. My tandem instructor was behind me and my videographer was in front of me. There was another tandem on the bench next to me and possibly one or two more in front of us along with a group of experienced jumpers practicing precision landing, including Justin's dad. How cool! I'm still relatively calm, unnaturally calm actually. Anyone that knows me can vouch that I get some wicked anxiety. I was certain I would have panicked by now. We get to a lower altitude than our jumping point and the precision guys start heading out. We climb higher. I'm still calm. I have no idea what to expect yet I am ok. I'm ready to do this. I remember looking out of my window down at the trees thinking they looked like broccoli. Of course I hadn't eaten at all since I was afraid I'd puke from nervousness so maybe I was just hungry...
Time to jump! We slide down the bench, once you reach the end of the bench you sit on the ground and do a crab style walk over to the door. At this point Justin and I are already connected. Ko Ko heads out first but he hangs on to the side of the plane. My turn! We make our way to the edge of the plane. My legs are over the edge, they are curled behind me, my back is arched, my head is up and back. I'm in position. Justin rocks us out of the plane. I'm falling. It's cold. It's fast. It's like nothing I have ever experienced before in my life. I remember thinking, is this normal? When does he open the chute? Am I still holding myself in the proper position? It feels like five long, but awesome minutes have gone by that we are free falling, I'm fairly certain it's actually under a minute. Pop, the chute opens and we slow down. It's INCREDIBLE. I started to laugh because it was that unbelievable. I can not even describe to you guys the feeling. The air is so fresh. The view is stunning. I am floating in the sky. It was intoxicating. Justin tells me how his dad precision landed in one of the pools, I was impressed. I remember that I found it surprising that we could hold a conversation up there. I wasn't ready for it to be over. My lack of details with the actual jump hopefully shows to you just how hard it is to put into words this incredible event. Landing was the scariest part. You have to lift your legs straight up and slide in on your butt. There is so much resistance making it hard to do, but if you don't you can break your legs. We land ok. I'm still shaking, not from fear but from the adrenaline. The natural high. This was by far the most amazing thing I have ever done!
(Photo credit: Ko Ko, Connecticute Parachutists Inc)
(Photo credit: Ko Ko, Connecticute Parachutists Inc)
(Photo credit: Ko Ko, Connecticute Parachutists Inc)
(Photo credit: Ko Ko, Connecticute Parachutists Inc)
(Photo credit: Ko Ko, Connecticute Parachutists Inc)
(Photo credit: Ko Ko, Connecticute Parachutists Inc)
So yes I jumped out of an entirely good airplane because I had the desire to live. Ironic, right?
This was an incredible gift given to me at the perfect time, I learned to fly again.
To the Harper family, I thank you. For letting me join you that day and for being genuinely good people. Your positive outlooks in life are extremely inspiring on a daily basis.
Much peace and love,
- Marie
