I Left The Window Open

I've reached that point in my life where I am completely at peace and more than comfortable being on my own. It took many interesting experiences to get here. The dating scene is truly something else. I wish I was around back in my parents day. Back where there was mutual respect and love. Like real, true love. Not the temporary bullshit people throw around to get themselves through the night, the weekend, the season. The lies they tell themselves, they tell each other, to stay in these false relationships. 

How can one be expected to give it their all when they are told by the other person they can't say where they see the relationship going. How can you say you're upset when parting ways if you're actively meeting other women online 9 months into the "relationship"? I use quotes because that's the other thing, no one wants to ever put a label on it. I cannot understand how this is acceptable. This has become normal, everyone is keeping one person on hold just waiting for the next best thing to come along. You all are missing out on some incredible people by doing this. You're also damaging them, that's the worst part. 

I absolutely refuse to be guilt tripped for failing to keep someone else happy. Just as I, and only I, am responsible for my own happiness you are responsible for yours. I too have demons that I face and slay daily. I do not need to be nor expect to be rescued and neither should any of you. 

I tried. I tried really hard to do it. It's just not in me. I cannot and I will not settle nor sacrifice my happiness, my wellbeing for a false sense of security. I don't see a need for it. I have amazing people in my life already. 

I don't want to be a second, third or fourth choice. I don't want to be a consolation prize. Especially when I do not feel what I'm supposed to feel, and yes I'm going to be cheesy here because I have felt that before. I know it exists. I will hold out for that or continue my journey alone. 

One trait I inherited from my mother was her incredible strength. I thank God for that daily. I have my moments where I break but I know when I need to pull away from a situation and fix myself. 

It's been a long cold lonely winter but I can see the sun shining bright again.